


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Hotel

by Artemis_Egeria



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Four Seasons Total Landscaping (US Political RPF), Inspired by Real Events, Rated for safety, probably not for Trump fans, some language and mention of sex-related things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Egeria/pseuds/Artemis_Egeria
Summary: Wanda receives an unexpected call that leads to an unexpected event.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Hotel

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the absurdity of 2020 and the end of the Trump administration. I saw a Tumblr post saying sexshop owner/landscaper should be the hot new AU, and I could not resist. I, of course, have no inside knowledge on how the Four Seasons Total Landscaping situation really went down, and my version of events is apparently quite different from what really happened, but this is one way I could imagine it happening in a similar world. 
> 
> If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I recommend looking it up. The original events make a great story.

The phone rang. Wanda grumbled but picked it up. She hated being interrupted in the middle of her accounting; it always made her lose her train of thought. “Four Seasons. Wanda speaking.”

“I want to reserve the space for a press conference this Saturday.”

At first, Wanda thought this might be a prank call. Normally she would just hang up, but she was pissed off at being interrupted. “I don’t have time for this today, asshole.”

“Do you know who you’re talking to? I work for the _leader of the free world_. Know your place.”

Insults aside, now she was truly confused. “You want to reserve a space _here_? For a presidential press conference?”

“Yes, of course, I do. This is _the_ Four Seasons. It’s the perfect place for a press conference. Now help me reserve a space or I will have your job when I talk to your manager.”

_Oh._ It all made sense now. This was not the first time Wanda’s business had been mistaken for the hotel. She would be lying if she denied that part of the reason she chose the name was for the association with the prestigious brand. But, since this guy was being a jerk, she decided to take advantage of his mistake.

Wanda put on her best act. “Oh, I’m so sorry. It was my error entirely. I’ll make the reservation right away. I will reserve the space for the whole day. Only $500 for the entire day.”

“Fine, we’ll bring payment on the day.”

“I assume you want a podium and chairs set up?”

“Of course, you idiot. That better be included in the price.”

“Absolutely, sir.”

“Good. I guess you can keep your job for now.”

“Thank you for your generosity, sir. I truly appreciate it.”

He hung up without a word of farewell. It was all well and good because Wanda could hardly contain her mirth. She burst into laughter. Some time later, she finally thought to make the necessary preparations.

She walked next door to her boyfriend Vision’s shop. Wanda had never quite gotten used to his wares. Even though they enjoyed a bit of kinky sex from time to time, she still found it odd to see all the toys laid out in the open.

Fortunately, there were no customers at the moment. So when Vision emerged from the back, Wanda could lean over and draw him into a leisurely kiss.

She was gratified that he whined a bit when she pulled back. “Good afternoon, Wanda. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I just experienced one of the greatest moments of my life, aside from getting together with you, of course.” She sauntered around the counter to be closer to him. “And I had to share.”

“I am happy for you. What is this great experience?”

“You’ll never guess who just called me.”

“I don’t suppose I will.”

“Someone from the President’s office.”

“The president of what?” The adorable furrow in his brow that Wanda loved to bring out appeared.

“Of the United Fucking States!”

“What? I do not understand.”

“They thought I was the hotel.”

“Oh. _Oh._ ” It took several moments for the reality of the situation to fully sink in. “That is remarkable. What did you say?”

“I agreed to set up a press conference for them. I only need to find some chairs and a podium.”

“And I presume they have no idea about the mistake?”

Wanda only smirked at him. She trailed her fingers over his chest. “My dearest lover, I was hoping you would do me a favor.”

He rested his hands on her hips. “You know I cannot deny you. What do you need?”

“Could you hold a sidewalk sale on the day?”

“Ah, yes. There is some old stock I would like to clear out. I am sure Natasha would love to volunteer her services as well.”

“Perfect.” It was all coming together.

A few phone calls later she had everything ready. The owner of the crematorium across the street had some connections with funeral parlors who were more than happy to help when they heard the story.

The fateful day arrived.

Vision and Natasha had dutifully laid out their wares. The table was full of dildoes, vibrators, handcuffs, and a number of other toys. Natasha was dressed in full dominatrix gear with a skintight leather corset and pants.

Wanda eagerly awaited the angry phone call when they arrived at the hotel and found there was no space for them. It came half an hour before she was expecting it. “Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Wanda speaking.”

The person on the other end sputtered for some moments before he choked out, “What kind of operation are you running? This is a big joke from the liberal elite. I arrived and someone told me that they had no record of our reservation and that no one named Wanda worked there.”

“That’s because you called the Four Seasons Hotel. Here at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, we are prepared to meet your press conference needs. Keep in mind that there is a $1000 cancellation fee for reneging on our deal with such short notice if you go elsewhere.”

The man held the phone away from his face. She could hear a stream of muffled cursing in the background. “One minute.” There was more cursing and several new voices. When he returned, he muttered, “We’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Wanda put on her best false cheer. “We’ll be ready for you, sir.”

It actually took forty-five minutes for the line of black SUVs to approach the parking lot. The press started arriving about twenty-five minutes later. Their faces varied from confused to disgusted to holding back laughter.

When the president finally emerged, the reporters started flashing their cameras. He made his usual stream of nonsensical remarks, refused to answer questions, and was gone. Wanda could hardly suppress her sniggers when the Secret Service had to physically drag the president away from Natasha, who made a huge show of being disappointed.

Business was booming for the rest of the day. Wanda had not anticipated that bit of good fortune. Everyone wanted merch with the Four Seasons logo. So much so that she was selling shirts she usually reserved for her seasonal workers and putting names down on a waiting list.

When she finally closed down for the night, she noticed that Vision was enjoying a similar surge in business. There was still a line at closing time, so she helped ring the last few customers out.

Finally, they were alone, and Wanda could wrap her arms around his neck. “Well, that was quite a day.”

“It certainly was. I believe I did more business today than I have the entire previous month.”

“You’re welcome, then.”

He smiled down at her and drew her into a kiss. Wanda darted away after only a moment. Kissing was lovely, but she had other plans. “You mentioned the other day that you had some new stock. Anything you want to try out?”

“Oh, I may have a few things.” He led the way into the back room.

Wanda couldn’t help but grin a Cheshire cat grin. This would be the perfect ending to the day.


End file.
